There are people whose presence makes it a little easier to breathe. Not because they have ready-made answers to every question or can solve our problems for us. Simply because, around them, there is no need to pretend that everything is fine.
Liudmyla Koval is a doula, mother of three, facilitator of women’s circles, retreats, supportive sessions, and transformational practices. She works with women in Norway, many of whom arrived there after the outbreak of the full-scale war. Her work began with supporting women during childbirth, but gradually expanded into creating spaces for women after loss, relocation, divorce, difficult experiences, or exhaustion.
In 2023, together with psychologist Olha Basista and coach Svitlana Yevchuk, Liudmyla launched free women’s circles for Ukrainian women in Oslo. Every Sunday, women gathered together to talk, listen, remain silent, cry, laugh, and simply be there for one another. Today, this work continues in different formats — women’s circles, retreats, ceremonies, and individual sessions.
For Exclusively for the international glossy magazine Business Woman, Liudmyla spoke about femininity beyond stereotypes, loss and recovery, Ukrainian women in Norway, the power of female community, and why the journey back to oneself sometimes begins with a very simple question: “Who am I?”
Who is Liudmyla Koval today?
Most people know a doula as someone who provides support during childbirth and the postpartum period. But Liudmyla has long gone beyond this traditional understanding of the role.
“I believe that we can all be doulas for one another. Support is a choice, and it is available to everyone.”
Liudmyla speaks about the freedom to be different — strong and vulnerable, loud and quiet, and to allow yourself to make mistakes. In her view, this openness helps people relax in her presence and establish a deeper connection with themselves.
“I am a woman. I am a mother of three children. Two sons live here with me, while one soul is already somewhere in another dimension, but forever in my heart. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a doula.”
How did the idea of creating women’s circles for Ukrainian women in Oslo come about?
For Liudmyla, the turning point came in March 2023. She realized that she had a strong need for women’s circles for Ukrainian women, but there was no such space in Oslo.
“If I feel such a strong need for women’s circles for Ukrainian women, but they do not exist here in Oslo, perhaps I am the one who needs to create them.”
That summer, she reached out to Ukrainian psychologist Olha Basista and coach Svitlana Yevchuk for support. Together, they received a space from Oslo municipality and, on September 24, 2023, launched free women’s circles for Ukrainian women. The meetings took place every Sunday on a volunteer basis.
For the participants themselves, these gatherings became an opportunity to find refuge in one another during a period of loss and uncertainty.
“That is where my healing took place. That is where the journey toward healing for dozens of women began.”
What fundamental need of modern women do women’s circles and retreats address?
Support and acceptance are at the heart of all the formats Liudmyla creates.
“We become witnesses. We bear witness to one another.”
In her view, women often need to be seen and heard. Sometimes, even without words, a compassionate look is enough to say: “I hear that this is difficult for you,” “I see you in what you are going through.”
“There is nothing wrong with you. What you are going through is truly difficult. And you have the right to feel the way you feel right now.”
Why is it important for you to make space for both joy and pain?
Liudmyla believes that femininity cannot be reduced to lightness, beauty, or positive emotions.
“To cry like a lioness throughout the whole forest in grief — that is femininity. To take a yoga mat and hit a wall with it out of anger, finally expressing the aggression you have suppressed for years — that is femininity too. Just as putting on heels and bright clothes and going dancing is.”
Her retreats are about vitality and the freedom to experience the full spectrum of emotions.
“Because when there is no space for pain, grief, anger, or despair, there is no space for joy and happiness either.”
Why do women so often live with unspoken stories?
According to Liudmyla, there can be many reasons. Some women grow up learning to hide their emotions; others are raised in environments where women’s experiences are not considered important enough. This creates a habit of putting other people’s needs first.
Women also often compare their own pain with someone else’s and minimize it: someone lost their home, while someone else lost their loved ones; someone experienced loss, but “others have it even worse.”
Yet when a woman finally shares her experience and sees that she is listened to and truly seen, an important realization can emerge:
“My experience matters. Which means — I matter.”
How can you create a space where a woman feels safe enough to tell her story?
For Liudmyla, the foundation is safety, confidentiality, and the absence of judgment. She emphasizes to participants that everything shared during a circle or retreat remains within that space.
It is also important not to immediately give advice or comment on someone else’s experience.
“I emphasize that we have not come here to therapize one another or give advice that no one has asked for. Our task is to listen.”
Personal boundaries are equally important. If a woman is experiencing strong emotions, no one should automatically touch or hug her — permission should be asked first.
What does the Closing the Bones ceremony mean to you?
Liudmyla most often conducts this ceremony after childbirth, when the role of mother can become so dominant that a woman begins to feel that she has lost herself.
“The Closing the Bones ceremony is as if it ‘gathers’ a woman’s body, the body through which she brought a child into this world.”
According to Liudmyla, such ceremonies can also be relevant after divorce, relocation, a career change, or another significant life transition.
“With the words, ‘I do not allow what happened to define my worth,’ my son was able to return to his body again, back to himself.”
What does the “Red Tent” mean to you?
The name of Liudmyla’s next retreat emerged from the image of a space where only women gather — a place where one can relax, receive support and acceptance, be heard and seen.
“The ‘Red Tent’ retreat will be exactly about this. About warmth. About connection. About support.”
Speaking about the “Red Tent” not as a particular retreat, but as a state of mind, Liudmyla describes it as a space of complete self-acceptance.
“A place where you accept yourself as you are. With all your baggage — both in your soul and in your body.”
What concerns do Ukrainian women in Norway most often come to you with?
The concerns are very different. Some women are searching for themselves, some are trying to understand why certain events happened to them, while others want to understand why particular patterns keep repeating in their lives.
Liudmyla does not claim to have ready-made answers for other people. Instead, she helps women establish a connection with their bodies and inner voices.
“And all the answers are there, inside. Only the person herself can hear them.”
When did you feel: “This is exactly why I am here”?
In her work with women’s circles, Liudmyla understood the value of this format from the very beginning. But this feeling became especially strong through her work as a doula.
She recalls women who came to Norway without their husbands, mothers, or sisters, often without knowing the language. That is why she began volunteering as a doula — so that a woman would not be alone during such an important moment as giving birth.
“This is exactly why I am here. With you. So that you do not feel alone on such an important day for you.”
Her message to women in these moments is simple:
“I am here to remind you: you are not alone. The women of your lineage are with you. Their strength and experience are within you. You can do more than you think.”
What do you say to women who are afraid to touch their own pain?
Liudmyla emphasizes that her space is always an invitation, and participation is voluntary.
“I respect the processes each person is going through. Everyone has their own pace, their own speed.”
She acknowledges that not everyone needs to immediately confront their own pain. There must be readiness for that.
“Each of us has the right to choose. Everything happens in its own time.”
Can another woman’s support sometimes be more powerful than any advice?
Liudmyla answers unequivocally:
“One hundred percent.”
For her, support is primarily about presence, acceptance, and the opportunity to be heard without having to immediately fix or explain anything.
What changes in a woman after a retreat?
For every woman, it happens differently. Some return inspired and ready to act, while others make retreats a regular part of their lives, seeing them as a way to maintain their inner resources.
Sometimes, however, a woman may return from a retreat feeling overwhelmed because she has realized something difficult about herself, her life, or her choices.
“Sometimes acknowledging things as they are is very sad.”
Yet Liudmyla sees even this state as positive because it contains honesty and clarity. Change may require time, strength, and determination.
“I will say it again: everyone has their own pace. And everything happens in its own time.”
How do you manage to remain a source of support for others?
Liudmyla does not consider herself a source of support for others. On the contrary, her task is to help a woman return to her own strength.
“I am not a source of support for others. I try to turn a person back toward herself and remind her that she can rely on herself.”
She reminds women of their roots, the path they have already traveled, the strength of previous generations, and the possibility of reconnecting with their bodies and with nature.
At the same time, Liudmyla sees taking care of her own resources as a responsibility.
“I understand that rest is not a luxury, but my responsibility if I want to continue working in the field I am in.”
That is why she plans holidays in advance and makes time for recovery instead of waiting until she is completely exhausted.
“A rested woman is a happy mother and wife, a caring colleague, and a healthier society.”
What would you like to say to a woman who has been carrying a story inside her for a long time without telling anyone?
Liudmyla does not offer ready-made recipes. Her main message is not to devalue your own experience and to look for people you can trust.
“Your experience is important and valuable.”
There is no universal recipe for the right way to live. Liudmyla does not tell women what they should feel or when they should begin changing something. Instead, she repeatedly returns to the idea that every person has their own path and their own pace.
Her approach leaves space for a woman who is tired, misses home, has experienced loss, is not yet ready to talk about her experience, or simply wants to spend a few days being there for herself.
Ultimately, this support does not lead to dependence on another person. It leads back — to one’s own body, voice, story, roots, and self.
“I do not know all the answers. But I am here. My experience matters. And I matter.”
Photo: Photo: from the subject’s archive